The Humor of Dave and Dennis
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If one were held captive by tour company for two long weeks by
personnel that were dry and humorless, one might not have nearly as
a pleasant vacation. Mr. Dennis Spence (left), our Tour
Manager and Mr. David Kinnaird (above) not only did a great job
keeping us informed about our surroundings and on-track with a
wonderful exploration of
New Zealand, but they also kept us fresh
and entertained, in large part, by their different, yet congruent
brands of humor.
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Although many people might rate Dave and Dennis' quality of tall tale material
as less than sophomoric, it was always clean fun and well delivered
for the audience on board the coach. We soon learned that when
a story started out as "last time we we went this way, we spoke to a
man that...", that that man probably didn't exist and we would be
soon straining for a almost painful punch line.
As a tribute to these men's efforts, a summary of some of the most
memorable chuckles are below.
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At some point in our
trip, a good drinking hole was at topic and Dennis was inspired to
tell of a joke where three ropes entered a bar hoping to be served.
When the first two went in, they were shown a sign that stated that
ropes would not be served. When the third rope entered and was
asked if he was a rope he replied, "No, I'm a-fraid (k)not." |
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Perhaps the most memorable "story" was one told by David. He
first explained that many of the creeks in
New Zealand were named
by the surveyors who helped create maps for future roads.
David said that he knew of one surveyor who asked his supervisor if
he could name one of the creeks in the honor the surveyor's
mother-in-law. When the mother-in-law learned that she
inspired the name of a creek, she followed directions to find the
creek to see what the name of it actually was.
Intending to make the story sound more interesting, David explained
how the mother-in-law embarked on a quest to find the creek and the
sign posted there in her old jalopy. As David drove the coach
over an area of
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Zealand terrain that
happened to have an abundant number of creeks with bridges over them, he made
the sounds of screeching tires, a motor and brakes over the intercom as if the
mother-in-law of his story was traveling down the same road as we were.
Soon it became clear that David intended to start
his story so that we would reach a creek at about the same time as he would
reveal his punch line, but a sign that read "Windbag Creek" was much father than
David had calculated and he started to get concerned that somehow he had already
passed it. For the longest time, David stretched his story by uttering the
sounds of the mother-in-law's car until we finally reached Windbag Creek.
At this point, the resulting sigh of his captive audience had been much more
influenced by David's drawn out effort to get to the punch line than the
disappointment that the joke was not more of a knee slapper than it was.
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Inspired by a discussion of the importation of rabbits to
New Zealand, Dennis had
a drawn out story about a family of four hares named Foot,
Foot-Foot, Foot-Foot-Foot and Foot-Foot-Foot-Foot.
While telling the story, Dennis would use their names frequently as
Foot-Foot-Foot did this and Foot did that. One day the father
hare and two youngsters went out to play while the mother stayed at
home. Unfortunately, they |
were stalked by a wolf who
eventually got at the youngest hare named Foot. Finding Foot's body
latter, the remaining hares buried it in a nearby grave and went back
home.
Afraid to venture out again, the mother hare eventually realized that they
had to and encouraged the father hare to take the risk. The father
hare responded, "We already have one Foot in the grave and I'm not risking
another."
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David's brand of humor was bit more risqué than Dennis'. He
did a great job holding in anything truly off color, but there was
one that did inspire more than sighs from the mature audience on the
coach. We were passing a store in
New Zealand called the
Baby Factory.
David pointed out the sign and kiddingly claimed that he had
submitted a job application there before figuring out they were a
retailer of baby furniture.
Hmm David, did you really think they made babies there? |
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We passed a John Deer dealership and David was reminded of a joke
where a tractor fanatic would go to tractor dealers and ask to test
drive the newest tractors. Each time, the salesman at the
dealer would first qualify the man's intent to actually buy a
tractor and kick the fanatic out when they learned he would never be
able to afford one. Eventually, the man decided to give up his
hobby since he could never find dealers willing to let him ride on
them.
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One day the ex-fanatic passed a brand new tractor
dealer and noticed smoke coming out through the front doors. The store
manager explained they had just put out a fire but a lot of smoke was still
bellowing and ruining the showroom. The ex-fanatic asked if he could ride
one of the tractors if he quickly got rid of the smoke and the manager agreed.
With one huge breath, the ex-fanatic inhaled all the smoke and exhaled it once
he got out doors.
Amazed, the manager asked how the man was
possibly able to accomplish such a feat and the man replied, "I'm an ex-tracter
fan."
Reaching a sign marking the 45th parallel, David pointed it out and
cautioned the coach travelers that it might get colder as when we
passed the sign and traveled farther south. Then just as we
passed the sign, David kicked on the air conditioner as high as it
would go.
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The two men that told these jokes accomplished
exactly what they set out to do and more. They helped helped interject
levity in parts of the journey that might otherwise be a little monotonous.
They brought us all closer together with friendly smiles and an occasional
chuckle.
Ultimately, they helped to wrap an already
wonderful vacation with a bow of simple humor.
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